Dalal e3yoonh (part 17)

And so our journey began,

It wasn't easy at all...

It hurts being a victim of his mood swings, but it hurts even more knowing he's going through an internal conflict.

He was trying to control himself...

But something had to be done.

We took Hamad to a m6awwa3, and tam ygra 3alaih. Hamad would shiver at first, I remember one time he fell and started shaking. I freaked out. All I could do was hold him tight...

The sheikh was really good... Hamad's mood swings were getting less, he was being him again...

Day by day, week by week, he got better... And I couldn't hide "that thing" from him anymore... I started wearing jalabiyat just to hide it.

I had to tell him... But I was waiting for the perfect time..

I found myself more willing to tell him now that I saw how 1- aware he was of whats wrong with him, and 2- he's actually trying to fix it.. He was praying more, w gam e9om el ethnein w el5mees.. A7s eli estwabh garebah min rabbah..

That day, the Sheikh told us some good and bad news... I was sitting next to Hamad, hand in hand, when he started with the good news...

"Elswa bda e5f mnk.. Kl ma 5affeinah mnk, kl ma rja3 el 9a7bh w 5allah y'63af... Taqarbk min rabbk wayd sa3adni, w sarra3 el3laj..."

Hamad: ma7s 3mri atnarfaz mthl gabl.. W el7mdella inshalla grbi min rabbi mb bs fhal fatra, inshalla dom..

El sheikh: esma3 ya Hamad.. Tgdar etim teeny hni w bagra 3alaik, bs ana achoof a7een malh da3i.. L2ank mb mthl gabl.. W m7a99n nafsk.. Bs fe mshklh w7dh.

Dalal: shu hee?

El sheikh: lazm e7a9l el swa... N7n radeinak el wa3yk w enteh 7a99ant nafsk.. Bs ma facheina el s7r.

Hamad interrupted him: kaif enfecheh?

El sheikh: lazm et7a9lh.. Mmkn ekon fe ay mkan.. Bs yum bt7a9lh, rsh 3alaih hal mai.. Hatha mai zamzam, w magray feeh.. W inshalla byb6l els7r.

Hamad: w 3gbha? 5ala9?

El sheikh: inshalla, bthn allah. Bs b'3eit as2alch dalal, enti shutsaween min 3badat? W atmana ma t3tabreinh ta6afl..

I was very confused, laish ys2al...

Dalal: ummm.. Madri... 3ady ya3ni a9alli w a9oom..

El sheikh: 7af'6a shay min el qr2an? Tgrein el athkar? Lch wrd youmii?

Shit this is embarrassing.. Cuz I'm not doing anything nafs el awadm wnnas.. Hamad must have seen my embarrassment, cuz he held my hand in support..

Dalal: la walla.. Bs agra athkar e9aba7 wl masa.. W gabl ma argd bs agra elm3awethat.. Nothing special.. Laish?

El sheikh: sb7an allah.. L2anh fe ba3'6 el swyat eli fe Hamad, kanat lch enti.. Walakn magdrat 3alaich fa rj3at le Hamad.. 7aseit anch etsaween shay, bs ma3raft shu. Sb7ank ya rab, hatha eshay elbasee6 7a9anch..

I looked at Hamad.. It was partly my fault this happened to him?..

We left the sheikh and head back home,

Hamad was grinning the whole way back and was holding my hand; I was happy to see him be him again...

We got home and as soon as we reached our room Hamad hugged me... It was so good to be in his arms like this... I lifted my head and he kissed my lips.

I missed him...

I kissed him as well...

My baby is back...

He started taking off 3bati, and our kisses were getting deeper...

I had to break it off, "7abeeby.."

He didn't budge, his lips were less than an inch away from mine, and I could still feel his warm breath.. "Amri ya dalal e3yooni.."

Its not or never..........

"Ana 7aml...."

Dalal e3yoonh (Part 16)

I'm sorry it took me this long!! but i keep losing track of tiiime!!!!!! sam7oonyyy plzzz!!!

So to avoid this, qarart every weekend (thuraday-friday-saturday) ill upload one post. This one at least once a week I write something, but this doesn't mean i won't write during the week. I'll try my best.

Oh and yes, I was thinking of creating a twitter account, any thoughts?

Love you all,

Sam7oonyy again,

Passion

--- Dalal ---

I can see his shock.

Hamad: enti shutgoleen?

Meera: 7ad msawellk swa. Ta9arufatk mb 6abee3yh. You changed faj2a, you’re angry the whole time for no apparent reason, you snap at Dalloola out of nowhere, and then you tell her you love her.

Hamad was having difficulty absorbing everything Meera was saying. I know for a fact she knows what she’s doing… Her mom went through the same thing. Mrt eboha ethanyh kanat msawyh swa el her mom so that hee tet’3ayar 3ala her dad and she leaves him. Not the other way round. Now someone did something to my Hamad… but why?

I can only think of one reason… Heba.

Meera: look Hamad, you need to go to a sheikh, 5allh ygra 3alaik w echoof shu feek.

Hamad: maba, ana mafyh shay.

Meera: ha klh w mafeek shay!

Hamad: I’m just stressed ok!!! W ba3dein entii shlch fyh!

Meera: ana shliii?! Enteh rayl my best friend! The moment you started hurting her it became MY business! Now you either go to a damn sheikh or ill drag you there myself!!!!!

Hamad: Dalal.

He looked at me… tbani agoolk its ok meera ‘3al6anh? Or tba the push?

Shu asawi…

Shu agoolk…

Dalal: I don’t know shu feek Hamad… but I know you’re not 6abee3y… you’re not the person I know.

Hamad: shu tbeini asawi… kaif tbeini I fix this when I don’t see anything wrong with me.

Meera: ya7ayawan ana yalseh agoolk shu feek ! arams el ydar mathalan!!!

Meera was screaming at him now. She was seriously pissed off…

But I can see Hamad was angry, he didn’t like someone acting that way around him.

Hamad: 6l3i bara3.

Meera: na3am!?!!?!?!?!?!?!? etrooo’3niiiii!??!!!??!?!!?

Hamad: Meera lo sma7ti 6l3i bara3. Aba akalm mrti alone.

Meera: na3am enteh?!!!! A7een mrtk mswad elwayh?!!!! Youm mayazatlk eramseh tba etrams-ha ro—

Dalal: Meeroty… its ok

Meera: no its not. Im not budging.

Dalal: ok. Mmkn bs togfeen wara the curtain. Bs shway?

Meera: bagdar asma3 klshay fa shu elfarg?!!!

Dalal: please?

I hugged her, and whispered in her ears “he wont see you 3al aqal, barge in whenever you want,” then let go of her.

She turned to him, “you’re lucky you have a wife like her. I would’ve killed you way long time ago,” and then she walked out.

I turned to face him, and made my way to the side of his bed…

He grabbed my hand and pulled me closer, so I sat on the side of his bed…

Hamad: do you think its true?

He was looking straight into my eyes…

Dalal: maybe…

I turned away, I couldn’t see him; couldn’t look into his eyes… they’re not the eyes I fell in love with…

He touched my face and turned my face to look at him,

Hamad: gaylellch don’t ever look away from me… I’m sorry… telling me shu asawi and I will…

Dalal: don’t do anything for me, do it for you…

Hamad: but you are me. Dalloola… what meera said makes a lot of sense, but it doesn’t. kaif? Laish? Mno? Ana 7as any mt’3ayr,,, bs swa? Ma9adg…

Dalal: aren’t you a9lan not suppose to believe that? Cuz you’re the victim?

Hamad: do you still love me…?

Dalal: I never stopped…

Hamad: I hurt you a lot, didn’t I?

Dalal: can we not talk about this

Hamad: ana asf.

Dalal: batm fe beit eboyh for a while, till you get better…

Hamad: no.

Dalal: huh?

Hamad: latsereen.

Dalal: I need a break Hamad, t3abt.

Hamad: bt-hdeeni w ana che?

Dalal: you’re like this now, mafyh bacher tnjlb again w et3amlni 5ara.

Hamad: I wont. Just stay. Please Dalal lat5aleeni…

Dalal: then ill stay in another room. I need some space.

Hamad: fair enough…. Now what?

Dalal: now you decide whether or not you’ll see a m6awwa3 to figure out if eli feek is swa

We heard Meera say loudly, “MB KAIIIIFEH!!! BISEER ‘3A9BN 3ANH!!!!?"

I looked at Hamad and smiled,

He whispered so that only I could hear him, “I’m so glad I married you, not that witch.”

I touched his cheek, “ill see you at home.”

He grabbed my hand and kissed my palm, “a7bch…”

His eyes were deep, and that’s when I knew that he was coming back to me…

Dalal e3yoonh (Part 15)

Oh simple thing where have you gone, im getting old and I need something to reply on

So tell me when you’re gonna let me in… im getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

Hatha kan 7ali… and it was only getting worse… 7mdella he didn’t hit me or anything… but his words hurt just as much…

I’ve been telling meero about it, she agrees that its not normal. Hamad has been madly in love with me, and not he acts as if he hates me and wdh ythba7nii… yba el fakkah mniii… ma3arf shu asawiii…

Knt yalseh fe our garden when he came and sat on the bench next to me; his hands where on his head and its as if I wasn’t there…

He was silent for a few seconds…

Hamad: aakhhh… rasi e3awrnii…

Dalal:….. r u ok?

Hamad: tawni agoolch rasi e3awrni! (he snapped, seriously yqhar! Ezg!!! Ma ystahal 7ata a7ateeh el7mar!)

Dalal: KAN QA9DI R U GOING TO SURVIVE IT???? OR IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT?!!!

Hamad: you can start by not screaming! W ba3ad bikon a7san if you shut up!

I stood up, that’s it, I’ve had enough. “qaleel eladab…” and walked away.

Hamad: DALAL (he ran after me) wein sayra?

Dalal: anywhere but here?

Hamad: laish?

Dalal: why should you care?

Hamad: l2anch mrti!

I turned around and faced him, “a7een mrtk?”

He opened his mouth to say something but I didn’t let him, “a7een mrtk?! A7een ethakart ani mrtk? Weink min shahar? Chani 6aleeqtk mb mrtk! Et3amlni chani maktleh 7alalk wla thab7h 3yalk!!! A7een mrtk?! 6algni Hamad w fkni min wya3 el galb w eras”

He just stared at me, he spoke but it wasn’t his voice “enti 6alg.”

And he fell.

HAMAD!!!!

I took him to the ER like a lunatic, I didn’t remember his words, I just remember him falling to the ground as if someone shot him dead.

When meera joined me I told her everything and remembered his last two words; I started crying.

Dalal: meero a7bh, meero laish che ystwii?! Ana shu saweitt fe 7ayati 3shan astahal hashay?!

Meero hugged me tight: shhhh babes, masaweiti shay. Hamad mb fe 7alteh e6abee3yh w enti t3arfeen hashay… he didn’t mean his words…

Dalal: bs… bs 6alagniii…. Gali entii 6alg… meera hoo a7een da5l w mb rayli... meera a7bh t3arfeen shu ya3ni?!

Meero: please calm down (she rubbed my back), he’s going to be ok and you’ll have him back again…

Dalal: fe shay ma gtlh eyah… Marat agool maybe if I told him byrja3 mthl gabl, bs mabah erid bs 3shan hashay, abah erid 3shani ana…

Meero: what is it?

Dalal: I’m pregnant…

Meero looked at me in shock…”shu?”

Meero: and you chose now to tell me?! Talk about perfect timing!!!!! Laish ma glteeli?!!!!!

Dalal: 3raft min esbo3… t2a5erat 3alayh my period for a week, w shakeit. Srt saweit seedh el blood test, wasn’t in the mood for the home test, w 6la3t 3 weeks preggz.

Meero: oh… that’s really early….

Dalal: I know… im scared…

Meero hugged me again: I know you are…

“Excuse me?! Mrs. Al X?!” I heard the doctor say,

Dalal: yes! How is he?

Doctor: He’s fine. He actually woke up when we were doing some tests on him.

Dalal: whats wrong with him?

Doctor: everything seems fine, he must’ve fainted because of pressure or stress… we took some blood sample and we’ll run them for some tests just in case. You can see him if you want to,

Dalal: yes please…

I looked at meera, “wait for me here?”

“Yeah,” she replied…

He was lying on the bed,

Dalal: hi…

Hamad: hi…

Doctor: I’ll leave the two of you while I finish your papers Hamad, you can leave in an hour or two.

Hamad: Thank you Doctor…

And he left; we were alone…

I stood next to him…

Why are things like this… laish Hamad… Laish t’3ayart….

He was staring at his hands…

Dalal: how do you feel?

He looked at me, as if he read my mind, and help my hand with his…

Hamad: im sorry I’ve put you through this.

And then he just slowly pulled his hand back…

Dalal: I love you you know… but nafsi 3zeezh Hamad… I have my limits…

--- Hamad ---

kaif ashra7lha…

kaif a5aleeha tfham…

mb gad rani 7ata adgha…

w3adt nafsi ma aza3lha wa la ajra7ha… w 6la3t youm atjanabha ajra7ha… I can only tell her the truth now… she hates me already… I’ve created enough damage already…

“Dalal… fe shay lazm agoolch eyah…”

Dalal: ok.

Hamad: ylsi…

Dalal: im ok che.

Hamad: Dalal d5eelch ylsi, mafyh el 3nad w wya3 eras.

Great my temper is back. Breathe, Hamad breathe, calm down… she doesn’t deserve this.

Dalal: ana asfh, (and she sat down)

Ana 7mar. ana 7ayawan. Walllllla annniii mastahalha!!!!!! Lo w7deh thanyh chan she walked away from me min zman 3al mu3amala el5ayseh eli a3amlha eyaha!! Screw me walla! Shu mstwii fyh!!!?!?!?!?!?!?! Laish chee!!!!!

I ran my fingers through my hair and covered my face, took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself down…

Hamad: aba akon 9aree7 wyach… I know I haven’t been great with you… and you deserve to know at least the truth…

Dalal: whats going on…

Hamad: ma3arf… ana a7bch Dalal… w enti t3arfeen hashay…

--- Dalal ---

I saw his eyes, the gorgeous eyes I fell in love with…. I saw a glimps of my hamad… please rdli… please see me… please remember me…

Hamad: lo agdar ba36eech 3mri, w 3yooni eli achoofbha… w allah ysh-had ani maba ‘3eirch fe 7ayatii…

I know 7abeeby, I can see the sincerity in your eyes, I can see el 7anan eli knt ta36eeni eyah… bs shu estwa? Laish che enjlabt?!

Hamad: bs magdar a36eech anything now…

He stared at his hands… he was avoiding looking at me…

Why is because he’s lying? Or was he hiding the pain?

Hamad: Dalal a7bch… bs mb gadr atgarab mnch… 7awalt… a’6eej… atnarfaz…. When I’m away atwalah 3alaich w aba akon fe kl la7’6a wyach… bs the moment atgarrab mnch a7s bs aba atim b3eed… maba akon wyach, 7ata lo a7bch, a7s klshay fe jsmi egoli enteh ma tbaha. 3agli w jsmi… bs galbi egoli shay thani… bs mb gadr at7akam eb ay shay…

He looked at me now…

He continued, “that’s why I’ve been avoiding you… I’m tired of hurting you… and not being able to do anything about it…”

--- Hamad ---

I can see the shock on her face… this is the truth Dalaliii… please efhmeeny… w etha etromeen you save yourself then please do so! Magdar asawi shay….

Hamad: 7awalt adgch tawni… eidi 7rgatni… w hai mb awal marra tstwi… kl ma a7awl adg a7s beedy t7trg…

This shocked her… I know its weird, I cant explain it myself.

Hamad: ma7s b3mri youm agsa 3alaich… I only know I did that youm achoofch later, achoof kaif mtkadra, w a3arf ani jra7tch… ma3ani ma3arf shu gtlch, ma athkar…

Why was she looking at me like that… as if im crazy…

Hamad: I hear you cry at night, I want to hold you and make it all go away, bs magdar.

Hamad: Dalal enti fahmtny? Enti tsm3eeny?

She just stared at me…

--- Dalal ---

ma9adg what he just said,

“Dalloola?!!!”

I turned to find Meera standing by the curtain,

Dalal: sma3ti?

Meera: kl shay.

--- Meera ---

Meera: kl shay.

Dalloola broke down and started crying.

She came into my embrace and I didn’t believe my ears… I held her close, and stared at Hamad in disbelief.

7lailh… he didn’t know. But I do, cuz I’ve seen this before. I’ve seen the symptoms.

Dalal was sobbing, she never cries in public, “babes calm down… he doesn’t know… its ok…”

Hamad: Don’t know what?

Dalal: laish meera, laish che estwa?!! Laish rayli?! Laish Hamad?!! (she held on to me tighter)

I don’t know 7abeebty.. I swear if I knew why I’d make your pain go away…

Meera: Dalloolty stop crying, its not good for you. Ylsi, (I pushed her to sit on the chair again, but I grabbed her shoulder)

Hamad was just starting at us in confusion,

Meera: tethq fe Dalal?

Hamad: haih.

Meera: bt9adg kl klmh etgoolk eyaha?

Hamad: bdon tafkeer.

Meera: 3yal esma7li atkalam bnyabh 3anha.

He nodded,

Meera: Hamad… 7ad msawllk swa.